Running on Empty
In a moment of abashed insanity, I decided it was time to go back to school. Now, at forty-eight years old. I get similar expressions of dread and “why?” from nearly everyone I tell this to. A few excited faces but overall, absolute bewilderment. Is it the right time? Don’t you have enough going on? Me, smiling and nodding. So, why? I have this fear of ending up like my mom. Don’t take that the wrong way, my mom is living her life and fine. What I do not want for myself is a post-retirement age full of doctor’s appointments and boredom. I want to grow a garden on Monday and lecture at a local coffee shop on the post pandemic influx of interest in the paranormal on Tuesday. I want to have tea with friends on Friday before I fly to New Orleans to present at an occult conference that weekend (looking at you HexFest).
My madness is driven by the innate fear of boredom. My mind must always be in a state of movement, except when sleeping and even then it’s very, very busy. My dreams have always been vivid and colored with great adventure. I know what you’re thinking, where is the time to attend classes? Well, mostly at night. Which as you know from my last post, is where I thrive. My day job is very demanding but I pack that away by 7pm most days. I have dinner with my family, maybe watch a movie and by 9 or 10 pm, it’s time to delve into classwork. I am aware of the toll that this may take on me, but I also know that it is temporary and that I can walk away if I choose to. I selected a short semester with two courses. For the fall, I will choose one course and a long semester. I will play with this schedule until I find the sweet spot or I graduate, whichever of the two comes first.
In conclusion, do what you need to do to keep yourself alive. Age is an illusion and your mind (and body) can do more than you give it credit for. I demand a lot from my mind, my body and my family. I work a full time job, I volunteer to support my Reiki school, I have yoga classes to attend, THIS endeavor of attempting to get a business going and now, school. I do this with the blessing of my husband and son. They give me grace, they give me support and they give me hell if I pull too far away from center. My son is getting to watch his mom do things that people only wish they could do. I am taking my opportunities as they come. I am taking them with blood and fire.
It’s a LOT, but if it paves the way for an adventurous life AND it benefits my family, I am here for it.
To quote the great Jackson Browne:
“Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels
Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields
'65, I was 17 and running up 101
I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on”
Running on Empty (1977); ©Swallow Turn Music
